Monday, April 8, 2013

Pony Drama

OK, so for anyone that didn't know, I have horses.  I have my old mare whom I just take out on trail rides and my daughter has a pony.  My mother keeps her horses at my house.  She has 2 horses and a little, useless pony.  Also at my house is another horse that belongs to a friend of mine.
There used to be two little, useless ponies.  They were old ponies, that we adopted back when my daughter was little, and they had to go together.
Well one of them passed away this fall.  It was very sad....
Anyway.....every summer we moved both ponies from my house around the corner to my mother's house to eat the grass in their field all summer long.  This saved money and effort because they could live off just the grass and needed nothing else until October-ish.
So this year we have found ourselves with an obstacle in the way of our usual plan.  The pony that's left can't go to my mother's house by herself.  She will be lonely, and make a ruckus and such.
So I have a brilliant idea. 
Me:  "Let's get a mini horse."
Mom:  "For what?"
Me:  "To keep the pony company.  They don't eat much."
Mom:  "I don't want anything else that I have to feed or pay the bills for.  No mini horse."

OK fine.....

Fast forward to last night...
Mom:  "I got that mini horse."

I'm sorry, what?  It was a terrible idea 2 weeks ago, when it was my idea (This is how my mother rolls.  Her ideas are excellent.  Mine are always terrible.)  Now you just have a mini horse. 

For those who aren't horse savvy, a mini horse is just that.  A miniature.  A pony is a different thing all together.  There's a difference.  (Though based on this one's measurements, it's probably a mini-pony....but I'm getting off topic.)

Apparently a friend of ours had one she was looking to be rid of because she's moving.  So I called my friend and asked her about the horse. 
J:  "She's really sweet.  My daughter rides her.  She picks up her feet nicely.  She is really quiet."

So apparently we are the proud new owners of a mini mare, or a female.

So I put her in the field with the pony last night to let them get acquainted.  There is the typical squealing, and kicking, and establishing of the pecking order.  This happens most of the time when you introduce two horses.  They'll get over it.

Now on to this morning.  I'm driving down the driveway toward the bus stop, my daughter in the back seat.  The mini and the pony are in the field, scratching each others necks.  This is a sign of affection (and super cute) and means they're friends now.

Me:  "Oh good, I guess they're friends now."
Kid:  "Um....why is the new pony jumping up on her like that?"
Me:  (At the mini) "Hey stupid, you know you're a girl right?"

Well the mini jumps up on the pony....from behind. (Anyone know where this is going?)  Then I see it....the mini's very pronounced penis.  She had a dick.  Not only were they friends....they were excellent friends.

So I get my kid on the bus just in time and drive back to the barn, dialing the friend that gave us the mini."

Me:  "So, I was under the impression that this mini was a mare."
J:  "She is...."
Me:  "All except for the dick maybe."
J:  ".........What?"
Me:  "Yeah, she has a penis.  She is a he.  Now I have to go see if he has balls before I go to work."

Again, for those less horse don't spay a female horse.  It's probably ridiculously expensive, if it can be done.  Instead you geld, aka neuter, the males.  If they are intact, it's a stallion.  If they have been clipped, you call it a gelding. 

So, if this boy has his beans, then he technically could have knocked up our aged pony over night.  That's what I need....a baby freaking pony.  Cute and all, but not a good thing.

So the short version of the end of this story finds me calling my dad to ask him to come hold a mini horse while I check him for cojones.  (Ha! Spell check doesn't like the word cojones.)

He comes over and holds the mini while I lift up the tail.....nothing to be seen, but I have never actually checked for nuts before.  So I look underneath....(have I mentioned that I'm very fat with baby, and this guy's belly is only maybe 24" from the ground.....this wasn't comfortable) nothing to be seen behind the penis where you'd expect them to be.  Sigh......So I reach under there and grope him.  Empty. 

So the good news is that I do not have a potentially pregnant pony.

The bad news is that my day began with sodomizing a horse.  This isn't how I expected my Monday to start.

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Shouldn't You Be Working by Bethany Davenport is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.