So, on the subject of my fabulous pregnancy.....
I have an app for that. Shocking right? It's called Baby Bump. (P.S. no one
paid me to write this....or even asked me nicely for that matter.)
It's a cute little app. It has new info every day, including symptoms to
look out for, possible tests I might have done, how the fetus in there is doing
developmentally. That sort of thing.
It is also damn near precognitive.
Last night, while sitting in the waiting area at my daughter's martial arts
class, I feel a pain begin develop in my right ass cheek. I figure I've been
sitting too long, and try to fidget my way into being more comfortable. No
matter what, it still hurt like hell.
I get home, and it's still there. So I take Tylenol. No improvement. I lay
down in bed later in the evening, and it subsides. Ok cool.
Except it's not cool. I only know what it is because I wrenched my back
maybe 6 months ago and the misalignment of my vertebrae pinched my sciatic
nerve, causing a fantastic condition called "sciatica".
It's a deep, dull, constant pain that can reach as far down as your calf if
it's severe. I've only felt it as far down as my knee. This time it's sticking
to my butt and upper thigh. (How many opportunities will I have to type the
phrase "sticking to my butt" without working in the soft core porn
Thanks to my cute little app, I know that it's caused this time around by
the baby being positioned so as to put pressure on the nerve. I know that there
is nothing I can do about it. I also know that there is a chance he might
change positions and (GET THE FUCK OFF IT!!!) then it will go away, but that
worst case scenario I'm stuck with this for the next 2 months-ish.
My app decides to show me this information this morning.
This is the 3rd
time that it has delivered a particularly helpful nugget of information at just
the right time. It's downright uncanny.
I have a few theories on how this could be.
A - My pregnancy is so damn typical that it's following all of the guidelines to the letter, and so
there's nothing odd about any of it.
B - I am subconsciously giving myself these oddball symptoms. I read about how my nose may be
stuffed up because my mucus membrane is expanding (or whatever it said about why my nose is
dripping all over the place) ,and my nose gets runny and I think it was like this the whole time.
(I really don't think this is the case. I saw that it was a symptom and was like "OH MY GOD!! .
That explains it!!)
C - My phone is out to get me. IT is causing these symptoms and then reporting them to me to prove
it's usefulness. Technology is coming to get us folks.
I have had all the weird pregnancy symptoms you never hear about. Like being stuffed up, varicose veins in places I haven't even told my husband about, increased severity of my carpal tunnel syndrome, and so on. Things I didn't know about at all....until my app told me about them. See my theory unfolding?
Have any scary apps?