Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Just Shut Up....

So, my darling husband says to me last night:

Him:  "So, do you need to take your rings off soon?"
Me:   "Um, what?"
Him:  "Well, you said that your hands were getting swollen.  I figured you would have to  
         take your rings off soon.  I don't want them to have to cut the rings off you."

I have no idea who "them" is, or why they go around cutting people's rings off their fingers, but at this point I'm having the idea that this is another of husband face's insult-laden bits of stupidity.

Me:  "Honey, my hands are getting swollen because I'm pregnant, not because I'm getting
        fatter.  Swelling goes up and down.  Don't worry about it."
Him:  "They do that when you get in a car accident you know.  Cut your rings off."

Holy crap, now he's off on his own little tangent.  Best to back away slowly now before he remembers he was trying to make another fat joke.

Later that evening......
I'm about to take a bath.  My husband, as horrible as he can be when he opens his mouth, was sweet enough to clean the tub for me after his little bathroom tear-down project.
In case anyone was unaware (all 3 of you), I'm about 18 weeks pregnant.  I'm starting to show.  I have also definitely gained 15 lbs. and I'm really unhappy about it. 
Our bathroom is still in disarray thanks to hubby's little rip out the floor and put in a new one project.  They still aren't done.  So, while I can use the bathtub, there are tools all over the place and I'm not allowed to get ANY water on the floor.
So, to avoid the likelihood that I will leave my dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and chance my father-in-law spying my under garments the next day, I got undressed in the bedroom.
As I'm taking my socks off (the last article) husband says "I see a pregnant chick".  I'm thinking "oh, good job sweetheart, want a cookie?"
He says "I see a pregnant slut".
I do not know where this stuff comes from.  I don't know if that was his idea of dirty talk.  I don't know if he thinks about these things before they come out of his mouth.  I'd like to think he doesn't, so it doesn't look as hopeless for me.
So, instead of entertaining whatever-the-fuck he was up to, I walked away and got in the tub.
It was glorious.

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Shouldn't You Be Working by Bethany Davenport is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.