Monday, June 18, 2012

Shit My Kid Says....

My 9 year old is an amazing little kid.  She's smart, sweet, and goofy as all hell.  She thinks farts are hilarious.  She does an amazing impression of Carl from Sling Blade (which says a lot about Fiance Face, as my daughter has not actually seen Sling Blade).

The most fantastic and hilarious things come out of her little, innocent mouth.

The other night, Fiance Face was exceptionally tired.  I was sitting in a chair, painting my toe nails.  He was laying in bed, griping about how hard his day was.  (Oh poor baby, you stood behind a counter all day.  Shut up.)

So, being the loving girl I am, I decide to take advantage of his weakness and sat at the foot of the bed......nail polish in hand. 

I start painting his toe nails. 

Hot Pink.

Fiance Face:  "What the hell are you doing?"
Me:  "Making you purty"
FF:  "Stop that."
Me:  "But you'll be so pretty...."
FF:  "I do not want to be pretty.  Stop that right this minute."

I didn't.  He says he was just too tired to stop me.  So I painted one foot hot pink, and the other lime green.  When it was all done, he demanded that I remove the offending nail color.

I left it for a little while, but then gave in and started with the nail polish remover.

As I was taking off the polish, my daughter walks in.....the following is the conversation that ensued:

Kid:  "Mom, what are you doing?"
FF:  "Your mother assaulted me with nail polish."
Me:  "You LET me...."
FF:  "Yes, she is taking it off."

Kid:  "You have hairy toes."
FF:  "ha ha, yes I do.  Guys have hair on their toes."
Kid:  "Oh, like girls have hair on their crotches"

We both almost died.  How do you respond to that?  I'm thinking a number of things.  Like "well, not all of them"  and "boys do too"  and "oh my lord, we're going to have to have a talk"

But the general response was Fiance Face and I stifling our gut exploding laughter.  A minute later the kid walked out of the room and he and I burst out into tear filled laughter of the likes that doesn't happen too often.

Fiance Face has now told this story to anyone that will hold still long enough to listen to it.  He's immensely proud of it.

I just keep feeling like there is bound to be a phone call home from school at some point.....

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Shouldn't You Be Working by Bethany Davenport is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.